People Suck

That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties. Your wedding.

Pencils:

• Sorry, I Have Ebola
• My Legs Fell Off This Morning
• The Damn Toilet Exploded
• I've Been Abducted By Aliens
• I'm Stuck at the Dubai Airport
• I Accidentally Drank Some Bleach
• There's a Wild Boar in the Driveway
• People Scare Me